Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
