My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
