Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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