She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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