I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
