you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
