I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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