If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
