Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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