I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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