you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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