So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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