I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
