you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
