Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
