i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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