did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
