Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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