THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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