so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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