If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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