why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
