Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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