wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
