Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
