do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
