Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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