Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
