i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
