When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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