you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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