yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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