no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
