You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize