I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Randomize