Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
