My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize