I am puke
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize