im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
