This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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