I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
