It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
