Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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