we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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