I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
