this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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