I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
