My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
