did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
