I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
