Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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