When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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