I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
