I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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