just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
