If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize