I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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