I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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