My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
