When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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