No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
