everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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