You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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