I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
